I'm sure there will be other worse pains

Someone breaking your heart, for whatever reason, is the worst pain i know of in my 29.4 years. Worse than dislocating your knee, worse than fighting with your dad, worse than people lying about you. Worse than surgery, vomiting, isolation, failure. If, reader, you think there is chance you may be in jeopardy of this offense toward a significant other, do the world a favor and shoot yourself before you get the chance. I am sure you will be treated kindly in purgatory for your magnanimous action. 

stress eating, apparently

So weird...sitting her, trying to study. And all I can think about is that i want to eat! I consider my stomach and....I am certainly not hungry. But i want to eat! and eat! And everything sounds good! Chips! Carrots! Whatever! I just want to eat something. And its like this pretty much all the time. Pretty annoying if you ask me. And weird. And kind of funny too.

Country music.

If you are ever tempted to go on an invigorating run/walk through the downtown of a small mining town, listening to the mournful "Neko Case" PANDORA station through your earphones, whilst run/walking by the closed and shuttered restaurants, coffee shops, flower stores, billiard club, piano store, pizza salon, grocery market, FOR RENT signs in every window and the open 4 pawn shops and single lawyers office....

just don't do it. its sad as hell these small towns, and nobody's got any money but the owners of those pawn shops and Sam Walton, I guess...

oh and the lawyer. 

Week five.

Studying for test tomorrow. Sample for friends to see:

A worker doing repetitive lifting develops an inflammation in the tendon of origin of the extensor carpi radialis brevis muscle, commonly called "tennis elbow". The focal point of pain would most likely be near which palpable bony landmark? 
 Coronoid process of ulna
 Lateral epicondyle of humerus
 Lateral supracondylar ridge of humerus
 Medial epicondyle of humerus
 Medial supracondylar ridge of humerus
 Olecranon
 Posterior (subcutaneous) border of ulna

I wake in the night saying these words out loud. 

Kentucky/Tennessee

Things I see often:

Coal-mining bumper stickers (i.e. the little peeing boy, with a coalminer's hat, peeing on obama)
Women driving really big trucks
Really big trucks
ATVs. On the main roads, at Wendy's, everywhere
Overweight children
Overweight children riding bikes
Forest rangers giving people speeding tickets
A huge crowd at Wal-Mart
A huge crowd at the brick building in my neighborhood that says "BINGO" on it
A huge crowd at the DQ
My anatomy book
Mountains

I find the sunshine offensive. And I am not hungover.

Should I go see a movie by myself?
THAT is a question for the ages, if ever there was one.

Or I could memorize the insertions and functions of all the arm, forearm, and intrinsic hand muscles...the only things I have left to memorize on this test. I already did everything else, and everything else is a LOT...probly enough to pass the test. Passing means a 70 or above mind.

These are the dilemmas that occupy my mind. What to eat. What to do. What to study. That's about it.



I wish I had the where-with-all to go exercise, to call a (new) friend and see if they want to see a movie or eat or hell, go to the cadaver lab even. Or to sit on the porch with a beer and a smoke and play the guitar. Or write a letter, or paint. Or walk down to the coffee shop and read something crazy, like Hemingway. I don't.

I got something in the mail today. From a friend. And I was sitting there so blissfully happy looking at it..and all the sudden i just started crying, really crying. I realized the crying was feeling so good...why? I didn't realize, till now, that since I have been here, almost 4 weeks now, I have been holding my breath emotionally, being brave. Holding my breath being brave. And dammit if being so alone and cognizant of hard things for one second didn't just feel pretty damn good! Its been a lot, right? Super lame relationship times, plus leaving my home, plus missing everybody, plus being around strangers EVERY DAY, plus being super alone in a house far away, plus starting a really difficult and intense school program. I think I just figured the best way to deal with it was to just not deal with it. At all. Ha. I am just like a child sometimes...just like. "Charlotte!"