December 28

I am sitting at work and have tissue paper stuffed up my right nostril. It is now 12:54, and the phone has rung maybe 4 times, but none in the last 2 hours. I have searched craigslist for piano stools, I have looked for Avett tickets on ebay, I have read way back into the ancient status updates on fb, like, to yesterday. I have had echinacea tea, I have had a bottle of water, and I have had coffee. I have read the introduction to my photoshop handbook, because I found my photoshop cd from my college years and am going to load it onto my pute. I have researched labor, the stages of labor, epidurals, the APGAR scale, induced labor, the stages of pregnancy, and the risks associated with various methods and medications associated with all of the above. I have chatted with Jordan, and we have mutually decided that I should wait and take speech in the summer. It is Josh's birthday today, and I am thinking about that about once every twenty minutes. I think about lunch oftner than that. I wonder about my friends, how they are doing. Katie basbagill, in horrid Korea, with a sore throat, sweetie baby. Anna Laura. What is she thinking this morning? Is she happy? Josh. Does he feel loved yet today? Jordan. ????? So many things to wonder.

I need to sneeze this cold out.

My living room is obscured from view by boxes and mountains of stuff from Wood's Edge. Someone, not Jon, painted over a very dear painting of mine that was given to me as a gift. Just partially over it, with brown paint, messily. They painted over the most important part. I cried some when I found it, (how cruel! why!?) in a box of stuff. But I cried more when I found a sealed envelope, never sent, from Jon Rule at Inskip Rd. to the American Scholarship Association. Oh my. I never ever cease to be amazed at the strangness of internal pain.

I am looking forward to Josh's birthday, to Lincoln's birth, to new year's eve... but I hope I am not sick. That will ruin everything!

I have cold chils. I got an ipod for christmas. It is shiny and little. It scares me a bit.

p the l.

I did make A's in all my classes, with one hand tied behind my back. Yes I did.

Wonder how its going to work to do clinicals and work at the same time. Wonder how its going to work when Sam moves out, which she is doing, btw. Wonder how its going to work to be alone at new years and christmas again, for the 3rd year in a row. Wonder how its going to work to take microbiology and anatomy at the same time. Wonder wonder wonder. Thats enough of that.

OHhhh.... good and exciting and wonderful things:

• The christmas party was lovely.

• Sam and Matt told me not to come out of the bathroom on saturday, where I was dying my hair black, so they could wrap some presents,...

and then when i did they blindfolded me and led me to the living room where they UNblindfolded me and revealed... a christmas tree. I cried.

• I got black dye on the rug, on Sam's special towel, and on the mint gelato wall. I cried about that too.

• I read about what Lincoln is doing right now. He's mad about being upside down and squished, so he jabs Jordan's pelvis and organs with his little elbows. Last night he was being really jabby, so I thought about spanking him, (His bottom is available for spanking near the top of her stomache) but in the end just prayed for him.

• I love Jesus in his body. Its nice and cool. I love it in Katie G, I love it in AL, I love it in Tyler and Josh and my mom. I love it in all peeps.

• Speaking of Al. She is special, ya'll know that? (this is what we refer to as a "shout out". )

• Yes dinner party at AB's tomorrow, love that, got to get a present for her and Job, what should it, could it be?

• I have enough money right now.

• Going to a sentencing hearing with Tracy today. Sad but exciting.

• Having a work lunch, made an apple pie, exciting and hungry.

• Doing a show with Joseph on the 26th, opening for a semi-famous person, everyone and their uncles will prolly come, getting nervous already, but thats okay.
  

• Got great christmas presents for my family members. Which is hard to do.
  

• Got really miserable last night, and got over it this morning, p the l.
  

• Tempted to despair recently, feeling like I would NEVER be able to be a faithful and hardcore and perservering saint, like I am hopeless, I can be disciplined in ALL areas except the one that matters, that I am creating consequences on a daily basis that cannot be undone... and....
  

Susie Little came up to me at church and said with tears, that she had a dream so odd, that she never EVER remembered having one like that in her whole life, and that it was about me, and that the gist of it was: that I was doing really good. That God was saying that he had me, he was watching me, and that I was thriving. Susie said she really didn't know if she should even tell me about it, but that it was so real and strange, that she woke up with such a weird feeling, that it stayed with her, that she had never had a dream like that before... so she told me about it.
Ha! I almost died of a strange feeling in my stomach when I realized that God said that, those things. And to heighten it, I have prayed many times that God would do more miraculous things in Mark and Susie, things like prophecy and tongues and healings, so that they could experience the joy of knowing him in those ways, and here Susie has a prophetic dream and its about me! HA! He is so funny sometimes. So funny and so great. You know, you just can't argue with the Father. Yeah, just don't try.

Out the window.

a picture.

It was too cold for his feet.

Welp.

The ole rusty heat pump is givin up the ghost.

The new shiny heat pump is on its way. And for only $2000. Great.

I love owning a house. I do. I love it.

Worst case scenario: I quit nursing school, get a full time, low paying job in order to pay the mortgage, say good bye to my future, and then sell the house at a minimal loss due to all the repairs that keep having to be made. I get depressed and lose my motivation and continue working the low-paying, full time job FOREVER and am really excited to get CABLE tv which i watch every night until I go to sleep. I live in an apartment. I die old. Did I mention the roof leaks?

Best case scenario: I somehow still manage to make all payments, while working part time at a low paying job and attending nursing school, and eventually sell the house (for a little more money due to the installation of a NEW heat pump) and make $$$$. I then pay off my school debt, and move to the third world to save the children and live happily ever after, or until I am tragically shot at 37. My memorial service involves cannons and fireworks.