chikn bizcuits

I miss Jordan at work.

morning.

Its tuesday, feb 16, and i don't know if any of you knew, but its suPPOSE to be snowing right now and my three grueling classes that start in 28 minutes are suPPOSE to be cancelled.

I took a bunch of tests last week, 3 of them, and then the pre-nursing admission test on saturday. I did good on everything, so for the first time in my life, while preparing my homework sheets this morning for class, I knew that the answer to question 7 was sub par, if not totally wrong, and I did not fix it.

I feel like a wild, wild, highly irresponsible (and unpredictable!) person.

I also miss everyone, and the good old days of sitting on the Grainger porch. Well, that also has to do with it being f-ing 21 degrees outside right now, albeit sans snow.

Need to go gather up my lab coat- have a great tuesday everyone.

Realized again today that my heart beats faster, thinking about drawing.

Drawings I did, once upon a time.

Just.

Sometimes I just get tired of fighting everything being about loss. Sometimes I just get tired. I have to fight, on facebook, because there are people I can't talk to, people who can't talk to me, who are lost. But still there...
I have to fight at java, or in the old city, or in Knoxville, because there are people I can't talk to and who can't speak to me, people I used to love, I still love.

I have to fight on Sundays, because there are places I can't go, where there are people I still love.

I have to fight in my home, in my bed, in my car and in the shower, in the night and in the mornings, in minutes and hours and on vacations, holidays, birthdays and every other fucking day, because there is a person who I can't talk to, that I used to love, that I still love, that is gone, not there.

I am twenty-seven and doing much better, thank you, but there are times oftener than I know that I would give all I have to not be fighting any more, to be gone all the way. So tired.