Tonite and also yesterday.

Sometimes, (all the time)
when i am thinking about it, (consciously)
I feel very alone.

(Like I am pretending at life, like the notes and pictures pinned on my wall are mocking, like the forest where there is no one to hear the tree fall, like I must be louder and more colorful to even be able to see myself and believe that I am real, and that I matter.)

Tonite in particular no one knows
what I am doing or if I am doing at all,
my parents just drove away concerned by this same knowledge, bless their hearts,
and I want to go see The King's Speech
but Patrick is too small and too wiggly
and I want someone to go with me in the car
and to hold my hand
to talk about the movie with me tomorrow when they remember a thought they had about it;
I would love and cherish that thought so very much.

Instead I will make a plan for what to do-