Sunshine.

Pretty good coffee here. Best damn brownies I've ever eaten. Some real mad clients, who didn't get updated enough. One Aquafina bottle, half empty. Tennessee October sunshine streamin in the big office windows. The hills of south Knoxville, the river, even Baptist hospital looks pretty today. Calhouns. The sunshine is gleaming off of the place where the 3 rivers meet. I want to enjoy this world today. I feel like I haven't had a vacation in a long time... A vacation where I felt really comfortable, relaxed, at ease, like it was my vacation and I fit there, that I belonged. Like if it were me and MY family. Instead of me and my broken family, (aka me) attached to my extended family.

I don't mean a vacation like to the beach, although it could be that. I mean like a night at home. Or a day in the mountains, or a dinner out. I miss the days of being normal. Guess I'll never be normal again. I've noticed on a lot of legal documents, once you are divorced you are always divorced. You don't get to just put "single". You could have been divorced for 60 years, and you will still have to check the box that says, "divorced".

I'm going to go away someday, hopefully soon. I will miss everyone but I think I miss myself now, more.