i KNOW that i'm twenty six years old and should know by now to TRUST THE LORD! so anyways.
1. Register for classes. somehow.
2. Get financial aid. somehow. (lie, cheat, coerce)
3. Convince myself that student loans are a good idea at this point in my life.
4. Find my passport. Before August 13. (i just love that i have to do this...heh.)
5. Clean my room, do my laundry.
6. Pet my poor sad little cat that doesn't realize that his peaceful existence is about to be BOMBSHELLED by Samantha's fat fighter cat, Negrito. Thankfully, Negrito had to have one of his legs amputated last week, so he may not actually kill Patrick, just wound him. And destroy his life.
7. Pack up my meager existence.
8. Paint my house
9. Find people and offer them outrageous amounts of money to do random things at the house like fix leaks and patch walls, and take trash to the dump.
10. Find and destroy the neighbor kid that I paid $20 to mow the yard 2 weeks ago.
11. Pay my bills. Somehow.
12. Make extra money. Somehow.
13. Exercise regularly. Going on vacation was so great, i rode my bike and swam everyday and felt so good!
Jordan told on the way home that when we got back, "everything will be different. " I wanted to believe it. Even now, I do. But somehow...i am just scared of the sameness. Like maybe it is in charge, instead of me. Huh. I can't really express the depth and passion of the fears and sadnesses threatening to drown me again. Again! Will it ever leave!? Fucking Fuck!!!
This most recent excursion in thought is my prevailing and overwhelming state of being this morning. God, I hope it doesn't last long.
I do love you all.
2 comments:
Is this the same sweet-precious-cute neighbor kid who was trying to earn money for his family?
Did you ever talk with anyone about setting up a scholarship people can donate to? I can help you with moving your stuff and your trash. Good for you for exercising. Does this mean I can kick you off the couch and tell you to do something? I definitely need to exercise too, maybe we can get in the habit of Saturday bike rides or something. As long as we don't ride them to Rankin's and Freezo.
If I thought there was something I could do to man up and save you from your fears, I would. You are a strong woman, and you ARE in charge. I'm sure that you think I don't understand, (even more than I think it) but I think you have the wisdom to do what needs to be done, even if it isn't what makes you happiest. I think your heart will come around.
You can do your laundry at my house too.
Love you.
Josh
JOSH! thank you. !!
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