Today-
is a new day, of Greatness, and New Beginnings.
Today it rained, and it was cold, and my life is clammy.
Dreams exist in my future that are so beautiful, so magical, they cannot even be imagined.
I am utterly not interested in waking up tomorrow.
People change. they can. they do. Even me. Even anybody.
We are all stuck in a mud pit of status quo deadness. is there a remedy for that?
The Spirit sets us free. We soar in creativity, we communicate, we share the glory given us.
When I open my mouth and speak, the whole world wonders what those sounds mean.
I have all I need in Jesus.
I have never felt more alone.
He died and rose that we might have LIFE.
Why don't I feel it? Why can't I find it? Why the hell does it come and fucking go?
Don't come up with a plan, a list of actives, a training ground for abundant life. Fall to your face, let go, embrace death.
Feel death, because then you will long to be alive again, you will see the filth and smell the rotten stinking flesh around you and scream for your life, beg with violently shaking hands for Him to lift you out of the decaying carcass of your flesh and take you not to the surface but to the stars. Only the stars will be far enough away from where you were, what you finally realized. So breathe deeply there, in that pit, and ask yourself what the hell you were thinking when you let yourself get used to that smell.
"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you."
He never lies, does he? His name is truth...
3 comments:
oh Natalie,
I am broken tonight in the shoulders, in the ankles, in the heart,
but
It Is Well With My Soul is playing over and over in my head, walking with me on my broken ankles. I can hear the river of peace "attending my way," and the rolling of the "sea billows"--and say into black sky "it is well" and believe it, I fucking believe it I do.
I too have never felt more alone
or been more sure that I possess
the world in Christ.
I also want to warn you that I just sent you a completely worthless letter. it's dark, rather, but one of the most honest things I've ever sent you,
I think,
and it smacks of an also clammy life,
oh! but all "lit up in eternal rays"!
God, it is.
Today, even though it's almost gone and over, still has so many hours in it to be committed to the Risen Christ. it's just turned 8pm, and I hereby commit the 8:00 hour to Him:
(it's quite and irrevocably Yours,
be good first, then gentle.)
you're stuck like an arrow in His
Father's heart,
Natalie Marie: He cares for you. (me, too)
I this is the one that got you in trouble? well, I love Justin, but for the "record,"
this is one of the best things I've ever read by you. it's wonderful.
oops, I just published as Madbride. it's actually A.L.R. (shh)
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